You can’t select what you reject.
Written version.
Remember that crazy period of diet culture when people believed they could lose weight from one specific part of their body (hoping this still doesn’t go on!)… followed by the big realisation that you couldn’t pick and choose?
I like to think of acceptance and non-acceptance a bit like that. You can’t select what you reject.
Before I completely confuse you, I want to highlight that there’s a difference between using one thing as a starting point; a platform to foster acceptance (like the anchor point we worked on last time), and choosing to accept or not accept parts of yourself based on a set of rules, expectations or sticking points.
So why can’t you select what you reject? You are a whole human being. Whatever thoughts, feelings or beliefs you have about yourself will not stay within their ‘designated section’; they’ll bleed into every part of You.
If you’re rejecting and pushing away your chronic illness, the chances are you’re doing it with other parts of yourself, too. Sometimes, the very experience of living with chronic illness (under the rules of the status quo) can cause parts of us to wither away, so blinkered, lives driven only by healing and overwhelmed we become.
You know, one of the best bits about acceptance work — the acceptance work that my chronic illness led me to — is that it’s supported me in allowing the full-spectrum, vibrant wonderful-ness of who I am, to live and breathe. As if my chronic illness has peeked its head through the door and let the fullness of who I am know that it’s OK to come out.
It fills me with hope and happiness to know that’s happening for you, too.
Not only has my chronic illness supported me in embracing the fullness of who I am, it’s led me to question how keeping those parts hidden away has impacted my health and very being.
As out there as that may sound, I truly believe that when we push parts of ourselves down and shut them away, they’ll find other ways to come out. Chronic illness becomes a well oiled valve for that release.
If there’s one thing I stand firmly by: Allowing your true, full, whole self to be, is 100% necessary for your health and wellbeing. Let’s just bathe in that for a bit.
Todays Ally Tip: Your chronic illness is here to support you in embracing the fullness of who you are. Doing so is absolutely necessary for your health and wellbeing. It’s full circle!
Practice.
Before we get into the visualisation, go ahead and grab some things that nourish you; maybe it’s a special jumper or blanket, maybe it’s your favourite a candle, maybe you can sit by a window with the sun streaming in. Settle into a special spot.
When you’re ready, close your eyes. Get comfy. Shake out any tension or stuck energy. Take some clearing, intentional breaths. Stretch up on the inhale and let everything go on the exhale. Find a state of equanimity, let be what is. Now let your breath settle; keep it steady, slow and nourishing.
Now tune into your body. What’s going on right now? See what comes up, what you’re feeling.
PAUSE
Repeat after me.
Everything I need is already within me.
I am ready to welcome all parts of me.
I accept and love my whole self.
I want you to think back to a time when you’ve felt free. You’ve played to the beat of your own drum, haven’t felt weighed down by others’ expectations of you. It may be when you were a child. It may be a time of happiness later on in life.
Think about the things that made you you then. What stands out in your memory?
Was it the way you expressed yourself with the clothes you wore. Was it the way you spent your free time? Was it the way you felt about yourself? Was it the time spent enjoying the things you loved…what were those things?
Try and get an essence of what all those things mean, and write a list of adjectives to describe them.
For me when I did this exercise, I realised I’d kept my rebellious nature squished inside for so long, and I’m LOVING releasing her now. Similarly, I hadn’t paid attention to my creative side outside of work, and I’m getting to know that part of me again. Having fun and experimenting with what that looks like. And it's been sooo healing.
How could you express those parts of you in a way that’s aligned to your current needs? If you’re not sure, just keep this knowledge - of who you are at your core - safe for now. We’ll play with expression later on in the programme.
All this connection, reuniting and acceptance has been fun today. Thanks for being here with me.