01 I am worth believing otherwise.
Written version.
Pre.s - today’s practice is a little confronting, so please show yourself some extra love and care when reading/listening.
Although these may not be the exact words that circle in your mind, when living with chronic illness according to the status quo, it’s really common to have thoughts, beliefs and questions that are in the spectrum of;
My chronic illness means I’m not worthy of love and adoration.
I don’t want people to notice/see me, I won’t bother showing/expressing myself.
I don’t want people to know about my chronic illness or they might treat me differently.
I need to please other people to make them like and want me, even if it means sacrificing myself.
I can’t be bothered to make an effort with myself.
I don’t get to do anything for pure joy, indulgence, pleasure, fun; anything that falls under these categories will be ‘bad’ for me.
What’s the point in doing something that might help me, it won’t change anything?
I only get to do the things that are ‘healthy’ for me, and that often means restriction, denying my wants and desires.
I’m not good enough as I am; I need to fix myself and strive to become a better version of myself.
If people see the real me, if they see my vulnerabilities, they won’t want or like me.
Maybe I caused my chronic illness - something about this restrictive, punish led way of life feels good/right.
Even when things do start to get ‘better’, I’ll limit how good I let it get out of fear, and because I’ve gotten so used to limits and restrictions.
If I accept my chronic illness, does that make me a failure/lesser person?
Ouch. That’s a long list, and whilst it’s really only scratched the surface, it highlights how living with chronic illness according to the expectations of mainstream society is so bloody confusing for one’s sense of self-worth.
On the one hand, it can feel like you’re doing lots of stuff to take care of yourself and put yourself and your needs first, but on the other, the energy behind it all can be really icky.
And it’s the energy behind our actions that says a lot about how we value ourselves and our bodies.
Today’s Ally Tip: As you’ll have come to expect by now, where your self-concept is challenged by chronic illness (within The Struggle), it also presents the opportunity to go deeper into strengthening, loving and healing the parts of yourSelf that need it (within The Allyship).
For the next few days, I invite you to be an observer of yourself. Try slowing your general pace by 10%, so that you’re able to lightly and compassionately question why you do the things you do, without judgement.
Whether it be the habitual picking up of your phone, the food you eat, the exercise/movement you do or don’t do, the stuff you watch on TV, the way you interact with people, the clothes you choose to wear…
Take a minute and give yourself the space to be curious about the energy behind it all. What’s the intention? Are you even aware of one? What’s going on beneath the surface?
Tip: Free writing/journalling will support you here; to help you access your subconscious, to offer some reflection, and to provide a different viewpoint. There’s a space in today’s workbook to do that.
And by the way…You are so worth doing this!
With tons of compassion today,