How does sex show up in your life with chronic illness, whether you’re in a relationship or not?

Is it something that’s changed over the time you’ve lived with chronic illness and if so, have you ever made that connection?

Is it something you’d like to improve your relationship with, your feelings about… would you like to know how to talk about it more openly and honestly, but don’t know where to start?

If we want it to, sex gets to feel fun, loving, pleasurable and enjoyable. We get to have it in our lives as something we do to connect with our bodies and desire, and with that of others, if we choose to. It gets to be really positive thing, not only in our lives, but for our health, too.

But to do that, we need to start thinking differently about it; about how we approach it, how we talk about it and how we understand it.

Today, I’m discussing all of that and more with Kate Moyle, a Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, Psycho-sexologist and host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions Podcast.

She works in talking therapy to help people to address the challenges they are facing in their sex lives and relationships, and to help people to get to a place of sexual health, wellbeing and happiness whatever that looks like for them.

Kate has also just worked on The Women’s Collection with the meditation app Headspace, so defo go and check that out.

You can find Kate on her own podcast, The Sexual Wellness Sessions, and on Instagram @katemoyletherapy

She also brilliantly recommended a whole host of sexual wellness brands who have created products, tools and resources to add to our sex lives, from apps to stackable buffer rings. I’ve linked them all below, go and have a gander.

Reminder - today (Nov 25th 2022) is the last day for early bird enrolment for Your Chronic Illness Ally. If you want to be supported in your chronic illness journey, reconnect with the wisdom of your chronic illness and rise to the fullness of your imagination, then I'd love to welcome you in. Click here to sign up.

LINKS:

Bang on - sex cushions and sex wedges

Lelo - sex toys & massage products (available most places)

Vulval pain society

Ferly - audio guide to mindful sex

Ohnut - stackable buffer rings

Dr Lori Brotto - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/defining-mindful-sex-with-dr-lori-brotto/id1527311547?i=1000493430593

EPISODE NOTES

3.30 - Why does sex matter, if it matters to you. Defining why sex matters to you as a starting point and working out what the meaning of it is for you, and how that might change when living with chronic illness.

05:30 - How do we start realising that what’s typical to us as individuals in terms of sex, has changed and how do we adapt and be sexual in the many other ways, in a way that works for us?

08:30 - How can we have sex in a way that feels safe and good when our bodies might not? How can we use it as a method of nourishment, pleasure, joy? Preparation around sex and remapping what we define as sex so it works better for us.

11:30 - Communication and roles in relationships with chronic illness - how can we approach the conversation around sex in an open, honest and safely vulnerable way? Having thee conversations outside of sex.

17:45 - Reframing the conversation around sex preparation.

19:00 - Over-representation of spontaneous desire and the difference between that and the type of desire that’s more present in long term relationships. Preparation playing a part in building desire.

21:30 - Scheduling and preparation a really good fertile ground for desire to be triggered within. Flipping the idea of scheduling and preparation on its head, thinking about it as a part of what can makes sex so good.

24:30 - The practical detail of preparation and setting the scene. What does that actually look like? And why knowing yourself, your body and your chronic illness is key here. How can you be creative and curious with it?

30:30 - Sexual currency being a big thing in relationships. Bringing up the conversation around sex with chronic illness when single

31:30 - Being on the receiving end of the sex/chronic illness conversation and keeping an open mind

40:30 - Can sex be healing? Pleasure and orgasms as natural pain relief. Body knowledge and relearning about your body. Rediscovering our bodies as a practice.

48:30 - Seeing this level of sexual exploration as something you GET to do, not something you HAVE to do.